Brightening a Dim Christmas
Rediscovering Joy and Meaning in the Christmas Season

The Problem: A Dim Christmas

What was Christmas like for you as a child? Many people recall a magical time--twinkling lights, presents under the tree, and a sense of wonder filling the air. For those who didn't grow up celebrating Christmas or whose homes didn't reflect this idyllic picture, the nostalgic charm of Christmas movies offered hope for a future where they could create their own traditions and memories.

Movies portray Christmas as a time when hearts are transformed, families are reunited, and longings are miraculously fulfilled. A child--perhaps seven years old and battling illness--is meant to throw aside their crutches, perform a triumphant backflip, and declare, "God bless us, everyone!" sparking joy and renewal. But on our side of the television screen, that moment doesn't come. Instead, Christmas comes and goes, highlighting financial struggles, illness, loss, loneliness, and lingering family conflicts, rendering December no different than any other month.

Some blame the commercialization of the holiday, unrealistic expectations, or even inflation. But we all know those answers are a bit too simplistic. The 19th-century invention of the chubby and plump, right jolly old elf we know as Santa Claus is not the cause of our holiday misery. Neither is the growing cost of candy canes the reason you can't recapture the joy from decades past.

The Attempts: Chasing the Christmas Spark

If you search online for ways to bring joy back to Christmas, you'll find articles with titles like "Recapture Wonder," "Reignite the Holiday Spirit," and "Experience the Magic." These articles often provide a list of tasks, claiming that by completing them, you’ll restore your Christmas cheer.

• Host a Holiday Gathering: A joyful idea, but without genuine joy at its core, the time and energy required to plan, decorate, and clean up afterward can quickly diminish what should be a festive, life-giving experience.
• Decorating: This common suggestion typically demands a lot of time and effort, and after a few days, the novelty fades.
• Christmas Music: When the tone of the song clashes with our internal and external realities, it can leave us feeling more out of sorts.

Despite our best efforts, these to-do lists rarely seem to restore the light we crave in a lasting way. Many supposed “joy-bringers,” when chased, reveal themselves to be Christmas killjoys. My hope is not to encourage you toward a new method of chasing the imagined “Christmas spark.” But perhaps joy isn’t something we can manufacture through busyness or rituals. What if the light we’re searching for doesn’t come from our efforts, but from something far deeper—something already given to us long ago?

The Unexpected Solution: Gifts Fit for a King
Despite most nativity sets, more than likely, Jesus was already 1-2 years old when the wise men arrived at his home to deliver Him the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a Christmas story. We’re told they began their journey from the east upon seeing a star that appeared at Jesus’ birth (Matt. 2:1-12), making these gifts essentially Jesus’ birthday presents—the very occasion we celebrate at Christmas.

To truly brighten a dim Christmas, I believe we can look to those merrymaking gifts given to Jesus—gold, frankincense, and myrrh—and reject their counterfeits, which I’m calling Christmas Killjoys. In reflecting on these treasures, we can discover a timeless way to rediscover joy that lasts through December and into the New Year.

GOLD

Killjoy #1: Fool’s Gold
We often chase material gifts, hoping they'll fill emotional gaps. Yet even the best presents eventually lose their luster.

Merrymaker #1: Provisionary Gold
Gold symbolized Jesus’ kingship and likely funded His family’s escape to Egypt. It reminds us of God's provision, even in times of uncertainty.

Many scholars believe that the gold given to Jesus may have helped Mary and Joseph escape to Egypt, protecting Jesus from Herod’s deadly decree (Matthew 2:13-15). This act of provision highlights a key aspect of God’s character—His faithfulness and care even in life’s most difficult moments.

In a season where we often focus on what we lack or wish we had, gold reminds us of the blessings we already possess—whether material or intangible gifts like love, support, and peace.

"If you...know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11)

This season, make a list and check it twice (not to find out who is naughty or nice) to be reminded of all the ways God blesses us. Like the gold given to Jesus, these blessings are not just gifts, but a sign of God’s faithfulness and care. Reflect on how God has provided, in both expected and unexpected ways.

FRANKINCENSE

Killjoy #2: The Holiday Halo
Hoping that attending services or decorating with nativity scenes will rekindle our spiritual fire. But rituals alone can leave us disillusioned when life’s challenges resurface.

Merrymaker #2: Sacred Frankincense
Frankincense, used in temple worship, symbolizes prayer and spiritual connection. It reminds us to seek God's presence, not just seasonal “magic.”

In Exodus 30:34-38, frankincense is described as a sacred fragrance, central to the worship of God. This aromatic resin invites us to reconnect with the sacred meaning of Christmas, centering our hearts on God’s gift of Christ to the world.

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord." (Luke 2:11)

Spend five minutes a day in stillness, praying or reflecting on Christ’s gift. Light a candle, meditate on Scripture, or pray a simple phrase like, “Lord, brighten my heart with Your presence.”  In doing so, we reject the idea of the supposed “Christmas Spirit” and invite the Holy Spirit, who conceived Christmas in the womb of Mary, to fill us with lasting peace and joy.

MYRRH

Killjoy #3: A Christmas Cure
Expect Christmas to heal broken relationships or ease long-standing pain. You will know this is you if you catch yourself saying, “Can’t we all just get along for the holidays.” But the holiday itself can't erase grief or mend hearts.

Merrymaker #3: Healing Myrrh
Myrrh, used for burial, pointed to Jesus’ sacrifice. His coming wasn’t to avoid suffering, but to transform it through redemption.

Christ’s ultimate sacrifice offers a path to true peace. While we may experience loss, grief, or unresolved struggles during the holidays, Myrrh reminds us that God in Christ does not come to erase our pain but to meet us in our pain to bring hope and restoration.

"By his wounds, we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5)

Consider where you need healing—whether in relationships, personal struggles, or areas where forgiveness is needed. This Christmas, we can embrace Christ’s healing by allowing his healing work on the cross to heal unforgiveness in our hearts, to mend broken relationships, or even move us to care for the hurting and suffering around us. Healing is at the heart of the Christmas story, and embracing this gift can bring deep joy that lasts far beyond the season.

The Result: A Radiant Christmas

By reflecting on the Wise Men’s gifts, we can shift from chasing fleeting holiday highs to receiving deeper, lasting joy:

• Gold: Recognize God's provision and express gratitude.
• Frankincense: Seek meaningful spiritual connection.
• Myrrh: Embrace Christ’s healing and share it with others.

This Christmas, let light shine beyond the decorations and into your heart—where God’s gifts endure long after the season ends.

Friend-shipwrecked: Navigating The Sea of Isolation

"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all the loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Think of any movie or TV show you've seen. Every character either has someone they could call a friend, or the absence of friendship becomes a central part of their story.

Consider the film Cast Away, featuring none other than Wilson the Volleyball. Sure, Tom Hanks's character mattered, but it was his desperate need for companionship--and his "friendship" with Wilson--that truly made the story compelling. In isolation, we create connections--even with inanimate objects--because we're wired to share life with others. Without friends, we risk drifting into shipwrecked despair, missing out on the joy, accountability, and strength that only true friendship can provide.

Today, in the wake of a global pandemic and the rise of 'deaths of despair,' we're more in need of friendship than ever. Yet, we're finding it harder to build these bonds. In 2021, 15% of men and 10% of women reported having no close friends--a staggering increase from only 3% and 2% in 1990 (source: American Perspectives Survey, May 2021; Gallup, 1990). But what even is a "close friend"?
 
What is Friendship?

Most of us would agree that a Facebook "friend" isn’t necessarily a real friend. In fact, the modern use of "friend" has emptied the word of much of its meaning, reducing us to either "friend or foe"--as anyone who’s been "unfriended" might tell you. But we all know friendship isn't that simple.

The Greek philosopher Aristotle in his book Nicomachean Ethics argued that there are three main categories of friendship:

1. Pleasure: relationships where you share common interests
2. Utility: networking or work relationships
3. Virtue: relationships with intentional mutual transformation

While it's great to have "a guy to call for this" (utility) or a "girlfriend to enjoy that with" (pleasure), only virtue-based friendships help us grow and weather life's challenges together.
 
True friendships are central in Scripture too, from Ruth and Naomi's loyal companionship, and David and Jonathan's friendship, to Jesus' close bond with his disciples. Yet some modern readers have misinterpreted these friendships as romantic, reflecting our culture's tendency to conflate love with romance.

In her 2022 book Platonic, psychologist Marisa Franco writes about how the space for non-romantic friendship love has significantly shrunk in recent years. She writes: "The jumbling of any type of love with sexual love has made it significantly more complicated to verbalize our love for friends." Long gone are the days where someone like Lord Byron could write a thoughtful poem of deep longing to be reunited to a friend without insinuation of sexual undertones. As Franco points out, our culture's blending of love with romance can rob friendships of depth and sincerity. We need spaces for friendship love, and we must reclaim them intentionally.

Perhaps in another blog I can address how, while friendship is an important metaphor in scripture, family is the preferred metaphor of the gospel and how our relationships are often shallow because we guard them from the depths of siblinghood in fear of rejection. But for this post my focus will simply be on how we can deepen our friendships.

Should all friendships be equally deep?

My children regularly ask if I love them "as much as  __(fill in the blank)__" The answer is almost always the same unless the blank is filled in with "Mommy" or "God"... then I feel funny and respond with "I love you differently…" but if I'm honest I really do love their mommy more and I desire and battle with my heart to love God more. Sometimes it is a no-brainer that we love or enjoy some things more than others, other times it is incredibly complicated, but with friendship it is essential that we make these distinctions.

It is impossible to love and enjoy all of your friends at an equal depth unless you choose to keep everyone at arm's length or limit your relationships to one to two people… as a finite human you only have 168 hours in your week, and roughly a third of that will be spent asleep! Jesus had crowds in the thousands, and at times followers in the hundreds, but he did not have equal depth with all of them. Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were very good friends, but they were not part of his core twelve men and three women (Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Susanna) that traveled closest with him. And still, he had an even tighter circle with Peter, James, and John.

Jesus understood that being human meant that he could not be everyone's best friend. True friendship takes investment. This is why he took time to get away with his friends. He took them out as a group, and on at least one occasion he only took Peter, James and John who on their retreat witnessed the transfiguration of Jesus. True friendship takes investment and intentionality. The reality is that our friendships will wane over time if we don't intentionally invest in them. The longer we neglect a friendship the harder it will be to regain depth or go deeper.

How can I be a better/deeper friend?

The key to quality and depth in friendship is appropriate time, appropriate curiosity, and appropriate vulnerability. Don't miss the emphasis on appropriate. Sometimes we experience instant intimacy that lasts, a beautiful bond of mutual vulnerability and understanding is formed and carries your friendship. If you have that, I love that for you… if you expect that, I fear for you.

If we want to be better friends we will seek to honor and respect each other by understanding what is appropriate for the other person given where they are. Brad Hambrick has said in his book Transformational Friendships, "the modern proverb 'knowledge is power' is true. When one person knows much more about the other person, the relationship is imbalanced. A friendship inadvertently mutates into a helping relationship."

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with helping relationships. It's great to have mentors, counselors, teachers, etc. All of those are helping relationships. But we should be careful to distinguish those from friendships, otherwise we will be met with disappointment and hurt. A helping relationship is appropriately imbalanced in time, curiosity, and vulnerability (all focused on the development of the person being helped). However, in developing friendships (that go to our desired depths) we need:

1. Appropriate Time: Set aside flexible hours to invest in conversations and shared experiences. 
2. Appropriate Curiosity: Ask questions at a rate that the other person feels comfortable with.
3. Appropriate Vulnerability: Share experiences at a mutual pace, matching your openness with the context and comfort of the other.

Where should I start?

It is alarmingly common that when the average full-time employee retires that they experience some form of depression. This may explain why 20% of the incidents of a person taking their life are those ages 65+. Retirement can often trigger feelings of helpless isolation if our relationships were all or predominantly ones of utility. Even if relationships of pleasure were plentiful (sports leagues, books clubs, etc.) you will find that as you enter your older years it only becomes harder to transform those relationships into ones of virtue. No matter what your stage of life, it’s not too late! It simply takes intentionality and curiosity. Would you tell me your story? What’s something you're really passionate about, and how did you get into it? If you could have a perfect day, what would it include? What does your ideal future look like?

Friendship isn't only for moments of crisis; it's a life-giving investment. As Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, "a cheerful heart is good medicine"--and one of the best ways to cultivate this is by building and nurturing friendships. Let's resist isolation by creating friendships that are intentional, compassionate, and enduring.

Friendship, as Proverbs tells us, is life-giving: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17). True friends "love at all times", offering support in adversity and joy in abundance (Proverbs 17:17). Let us invest in the friendships that will sharpen, strengthen, and refresh us. In a world that increasingly isolates, may we seek out and nurture friends who "stick closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24), bringing richness to our lives and theirs alike.

About two years ago, my daughter woke up before her bedtime was finished, tiptoed out to the front room of our apartment, found me with a bible in my lap, my hands folded, and my head bowed with my eyes closed. She tapped me on the shoulder and asked me the question… “Daddy, why do you always pray?” The question gave me great joy because it reminded me that my daughter is always watching and that my spiritual life was evident to her. It brought me great joy, but it also brought me great embarrassment, because to be completely honest– I was not praying. My head was bowed, my eyes were closed, and I may have even been muttering something, but I was not praying. I was asleep.

Having been startled awake by her question, not realizing I fell asleep, I launched into my best attempt at a 5AM theological rationale for petitioning the Almighty that a toddler might understand. After which, I learned that my daughter was not asking “why we pray” but why I pray when I could play with her.

As we launch into a new series as a church that we are calling “Echoes of Devotion”, my hope in this short blogpost is to answer both the question I thought my daughter was asking (why we pray), and the question she actually was asking (why not just play?) with greater thoughtfulness than I did at 5AM that day…

So, why do we pray? Is it worth our time?  

That’s the primary question we should ask before dedicating seven weeks to growing in prayer. Nevertheless, it’s a very difficult question to answer in the first person plural. ‘Why do we pray?’ The question assumes that ‘we’ all pray for the same reasons, and it would be an incredible presumption for someone to act as a representative of all people of prayer throughout time and space. I’m sure many would be offended if I tried.

The reality is that people pray for a variety of different reasons:

Some pray for what it recognized as a medical benefit: Dr. David H. Rosmarin, assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, has said that the research that has been done on prayer shows: It can calm your nervous system, shutting down your fight or flight response. It can make you less reactive to negative emotions and less angry.

Some pray because of the potential to create relational harmony:  A number of studies at Florida State University show that when people pray for the well-being of their spouse when they feel a negative emotion in the marriage, both partners—the one doing the praying and the one being prayed for—report greater relationship satisfaction.

Still, others pray because they believe that the physicality of our universe is not all that there is. That there is a spiritual reality beyond us and that through prayer we might have some form of communion with it/him/her that would affect our lives and the greater world that surrounds us.

According to Rabbi Abraham Heschel, Prayer seems to be an instinctive part of human nature. He writes, “Prayer is our humble answer to the inconceivable surprise of living.” Living comes with the surprise of beauty which inspires awe, a feeling of fear and wonder that often finds its place in prayers of praise. Living comes with the surprise of gratitude which finds its place in prayers of thanksgiving.Living comes with the surprise of brokenness and pain, as we mourn death, broken relationships, hostility and hatred. In those moments prayer finds its place in petition, asking a higher power to intervene and transform this world into the future place of peace that we long for. In the Christian tradition, we pray a simple phrase, “that things would be on earth as they are in heaven.”

Now, I’m not saying that one of these reasons is necessarily better than another, that they might not be combined in some way for some people, or that there are even only these reasons why people pray.

There have been many throughout the centuries who have made claims about prayer in seeking to unify humanity, but in doing so brought about greater animosity.

There have been those who claimed that all religions are the same, and we are merely praying to the same God in different ways, but this has been taken as an incredible offense especially by America’s indigenous people like Handsome Lake (religious leader of the Iroquois) or Tenskatawa a religious leader from the Shawnee Tribe, who both argued that “religious universalism” was yet another attempt of the west to colonize their people. To these leaders, saying our prayers are all the same is “an attempt to whitewash varyings religious practices, imposing the perspective of western pluralism, and erasing the boundaries of people’s decision making.” The Iroquois and the Shawnee chose their methods of prayer not because they believed it was one way to worship the same God, but because they believed they each were worshiping the true god(s) in their way.

Similarly, many Buddhists take issue with the statement that we all pray to the same God, as most forms of Buddhism do not pray to or believe in a personal deity. And in Christianity, we hold the words of Jesus to be true that Jesus is the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Jesus (John 14:6).

So again, to claim to be able to answer the question, “Why do we pray?” and respond for all prayers would be narcissistic, hubristic, and deeply flawed.

With that said, speaking for Christians, we do have a reason to pray. And if you are seeking or hold to a different faith, I hope that as you read this that you might find beauty in the explanation I lay out and continue your journey toward seeking the beautiful truth that I and my fellow christian brothers and sisters have clinged to. Please know that any failure in accuracy or beauty is not from my tradition, but from me, a broken messenger.

As followers of Jesus we pray because we want a deeper relationship with our God.

In the Christian tradition, prayer is not simply a technique for acquiring blessings, but for interacting with our blessed God. In the words of Mother Theresa, “Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.”

For us, the primary goal is relationship, and it is based on what might be considered one of the most preposterous propositions that Judaism and Christianity have confessed for millenia; that the God of the Universe actually cares about us.

The most common prayers of the Jewish tradition begin with the words “Baruch atah Adonai, Elohenu Melech ha'olam” (Blessed are you, our God– king of the universe). That last word is incredibly important, ha’ olam, not Ha’Eretz (as though he is King only of the land), not Ha’adamah (as though he is simply King of the earth). He is Elohenu Melech Ha’olam, our God– king of the universe.

Have you ever taken the time to ponder over the preposterousness of this claim? The diameter of the observable universe is 93 billion light years. To put this into perspective–  
Imagine the universe is like a gigantic beach, stretching endlessly in all directions. Our Milky Way galaxy would be just one grain of sand on that beach, and Earth would be like a tiny speck stuck to the side of that grain of sand. Now, picture this beach not just being one beach, but part of an infinite shoreline, with each grain of sand representing a galaxy. That's the scale we're talking about! In this vast cosmic beach, our little planet is just a speck, barely noticeable, and the God of all of this cares about our lives on this speck on the side of a grain of sand.

We believe the God of the Universe, one who is bigger than the shoreline, has an interest in knowing us and cares about our good.

In one of the primary source documents of Jesus’ life, written by a doctor named Luke, Jesus is recorded as sharing the following parable:

“There was a judge in a certain town who didn’t fear God or respect people. And a widow in that town kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary. For a while he was unwilling, but later he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or respect people, yet because this widow keeps pestering me, I will give her justice, so that she doesn’t wear me out by her persistent coming.’”

Then the Lord [Jesus] said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. Will not God grant justice to his elect who cry out to him day and night? Will he delay helping them?  I tell you that he will swiftly grant them justice. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

Through Jesus’ teaching in this short story, we find some ingredients to prayer that should shape our prayer lives in a variety of ways:

The story shows the importance of Persistence in Prayer. Just as the widow kept coming to the judge, we should persistently bring our requests before God. Demonstrating our faith and reliance on Him.

The story emphasizes trust in God's Justice. The unjust judge eventually grants the widow's request not out of concern for justice but to get rid of her persistence. In contrast, God is just and compassionate. So if even an unjust judge can be moved by persistence, how much more will a just and loving God respond to the prayers of His people?

The story demonstrated Faith in God's Timing. Sometimes our prayers may not be answered immediately, but this parable encourages us to keep praying and trust in God's timing. Just as the widow had to wait for justice, we may need to wait for God's timing in our lives.

And the story reiterates that prayer is about Relationship with God: It’s not just about asking for things. The widow's persistence shows her dependence on the judge, and our persistent prayers demonstrate our dependence on God. The reality is, not every prayer we pray is answered in the way we desire for it to be.

How many Hebrew women prayed for the deliverance of their sons from Pharoah’s genocide? But only Moses is recorded as having been saved. Job prayed for his trials to cease, and yet he continued to experience loss. Jesus’ followers prayed for the release of the twelve apostles and yet all were executed or died in prison. We make a mistake though if we claim that the Lord did not answer these prayers.

The famed Argentinian preacher, Luis Palau once said– God answers EVERY prayer in 1 of 5 ways:

1. No, I love you too much.
2. Yes, I thought you’d never ask.
3. Yes, but not yet.
4. Yes, and here’s more.
5. Yes, but differently from what you thought

So why do we pray, we pray because we want to be in a relationship with the God of the Universe who cares about us, and who we trust will answer us. This is why we pray.

There are many forms of prayer in the christian tradition… For example there are spontaneous prayers, scriptural prayers, and liturgical prayers. I want to conclude this blog post with a liturgical prayer, a prayer from a book that is now almost 500 years old called The Book of Common Prayer. I would love for you to consider praying this prayer, though it is normally read in the evening, and I try to pray it each night, I think you can pray it at any point in the day. Consider how you might say these words to our Lord, reflect on them, recognize the opportunity of joining with centuries of a multitude of saints in pleading:

"Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Jesus Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen."

This blog is adapted from a presentation delivered by Pastor Eric at the National Day of Prayer Breakfast on May 2, 2024, hosted by the Chicago Sunday Evening Club. The talk addressed the topic, "Why We Pray?" and explored the underlying reasons and significance of prayer in contemporary society.

This past week I preached a message on the book of Hosea, in which we looked at a story of radical forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. It is important to note that those are not three ways of saying the same thing. Sometimes for emphasis we might say that someone is mean, nasty, and unkind, or we might say that someone is good looking, beautiful, and gorgeous. But these three words "forgiveness", "reconciliation", and "restoration" are not synonyms, they are separate actions that might entail the healing of a relationship, but the three are not necessary components of one another. A person might choose to forgive, but never reconcile, you might forgive and reconcile but not experience restoration, you also might experience restoration without ever forgiving or reconciling (which often contributes to significant conflict). I'm writing on this, because a key point I made in my message on Hosea was that as followers of Jesus we are called to mimic Hosea in chasing Gomer. As Hosea chased his unfaithful wife (Gomer), and our faithful God chased us in our unfaithfulness, we too are called to chase the Gomers in our lives, as we love and forgive others just as God in Christ loved and forgave us (Eph. 4:32). That being said, let's start by defining our terms.

Forgiveness is fundamentally the cessation of anger or resentment toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Obviously there is so much more to forgiveness, but for our sake I think it is helpful to recognize that the primary ingredient of forgiveness is a willingness to not hold a grudge. Famously, the apostle Peter asked Jesus if seven (being the biblically symbolic number of perfection) was the right amount of times to forgive your brother if they repeatedly were sinning against you in the same way. He wanted to know if wiping away the emotional and relational debt of the relationship seven times would suffice. Jesus famously responded, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matt. 18:22). As followers of Jesus we are told not to hold grudges, not to allow our wrath to control us when we are sinned against, as the Apostle Paul says (quoting Deut. 32:35) "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord'" (Rom. 12:17-19). Forgiveness is essentially monodirectional; sometimes two people need to forgive one another but you don't need two people in order to forgive. Forgiveness entails one person refusing to hold the offense, flaw, or mistake against the other, and instead entrusting them to God who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23).

Reconciliation by necessity, requires two people. You cannot reconcile with someone who does not want to be reconciled with, whether they are the offended or the offender. When we reconcile, we make two people compatible again. Reconciliation means that not only have I forgiven my fellow-christian who has offended me, but I believe that she is my sister and I will treat her as such. The Corinthian church is told that "Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation" (1 Cor. 5:18-19). Jesus made us compatible with God by dying for and removing our sin (Isa. 53:5; Rom. 5:9-11). Christians are called to be people of forgiveness and reconciliation. As Jesus explains, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23-24). What Jesus is saying is that reconciliation with others is a top priority, even above religious rituals, it's that important! This is why we say not to take of the Lord's Supper unless you are working toward reconciliation with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Otherwise it would be a hypocritical unity, and thus a false proclamation of the gospel. Still, reconciliation is not restoration...

Restoration is the process of returning a relationship to its original condition. If we look at the relationship of Hosea and Gomer, theirs is a story of forgiveness and restoration with a hope for reconciliation. We don't know whether Gomer reconciled with Hosea, but we know that she was forgiven by him, and that he restored her to her former role as his wife even after her serial occurrences of adultery. Hosea offered to reconcile with Gomer, but he went above and beyond by restoring her as his wife. To be fair, Hosea was told by God that he must restore her, because that is what God would do for Israel. We, on the other hand, are not told that we must restore every offender to their former role or every relationship to its former condition. Sometimes total restoration could even be sinful, if doing so would make opportunities for sin and temptation more readily available. Restoring your aunt who is struggling with alcoholism to the same level of trust and full access to your home without a lock on your liquor cabinet is not loving, kind, or wise. Allowing someone with a history of abusive behavior toward minors to have unrestricted access to your children would be a sin, both against your children and the abuser. You can forgive and reconcile with each of these people as brothers and sisters in Christ without restoring the relationships and privileges that once gave them the opportunity to sin and cause harm. Restoration is risky and requires wisdom.

So, when should you forgive? Always. When should you reconcile? Christ-followers should always strive for it. When should you restore? That requires wisdom and careful judgment. Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:9 that not every relationship demands restoration, such as when marital unfaithfulness is involved. However, forgiveness is still required, and reconciliation, if possible, should be sought, even if restoration will not be the endpoint. Restoration in such a relationship might be a beautiful way in which you seek to reflect the depth of the gospel, in what Christ has done for us; as Christ redeemed us, your relationship can be redeemed. Still, Jesus teaches that divorce in such cases is permissible, and yet not required. Nevertheless, believers must treat one another as siblings in Christ, refusing wrath or vengeance.

Reconciliation may take time, for some it may take years, but as Christians we are called to chase Gomer, to offer forgiveness to all, and reconciliation to those who have been reconciled to God in Jesus Christ. As Christ-followers we are called to forgive freely, pursue reconciliation where possible, and wisely navigate the complexities of restoration. Chasing Gomer is complicated, forgiveness is costly, reconciliation is sensitive, and restoration is risky.

So, how will you chase your Gomers?