Forgiveness ≠ Reconciliation ≠ Restoration
This past week I preached a message on the book of Hosea, in which we looked at a story of radical forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. It is important to note that those are not three ways of saying the same thing. Sometimes for emphasis we might say that someone is mean, nasty, and unkind, or we might say that someone is good looking, beautiful, and gorgeous. But these three words "forgiveness", "reconciliation", and "restoration" are not synonyms, they are separate actions that might entail the healing of a relationship, but the three are not necessary components of one another. A person might choose to forgive, but never reconcile, you might forgive and reconcile but not experience restoration, you also might experience restoration without ever forgiving or reconciling (which often contributes to significant conflict). I'm writing on this, because a key point I made in my message on Hosea was that as followers of Jesus we are called to mimic Hosea in chasing Gomer. As Hosea chased his unfaithful wife (Gomer), and our faithful God chased us in our unfaithfulness, we too are called to chase the Gomers in our lives, as we love and forgive others just as God in Christ loved and forgave us (Eph. 4:32). That being said, let's start by defining our terms.
Forgiveness is fundamentally the cessation of anger or resentment toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Obviously there is so much more to forgiveness, but for our sake I think it is helpful to recognize that the primary ingredient of forgiveness is a willingness to not hold a grudge. Famously, the apostle Peter asked Jesus if seven (being the biblically symbolic number of perfection) was the right amount of times to forgive your brother if they repeatedly were sinning against you in the same way. He wanted to know if wiping away the emotional and relational debt of the relationship seven times would suffice. Jesus famously responded, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matt. 18:22). As followers of Jesus we are told not to hold grudges, not to allow our wrath to control us when we are sinned against, as the Apostle Paul says (quoting Deut. 32:35) "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord'" (Rom. 12:17-19). Forgiveness is essentially monodirectional; sometimes two people need to forgive one another but you don't need two people in order to forgive. Forgiveness entails one person refusing to hold the offense, flaw, or mistake against the other, and instead entrusting them to God who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23).
Reconciliation by necessity, requires two people. You cannot reconcile with someone who does not want to be reconciled with, whether they are the offended or the offender. When we reconcile, we make two people compatible again. Reconciliation means that not only have I forgiven my fellow-christian who has offended me, but I believe that she is my sister and I will treat her as such. The Corinthian church is told that "Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation" (1 Cor. 5:18-19). Jesus made us compatible with God by dying for and removing our sin (Isa. 53:5; Rom. 5:9-11). Christians are called to be people of forgiveness and reconciliation. As Jesus explains, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23-24). What Jesus is saying is that reconciliation with others is a top priority, even above religious rituals, it's that important! This is why we say not to take of the Lord's Supper unless you are working toward reconciliation with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Otherwise it would be a hypocritical unity, and thus a false proclamation of the gospel. Still, reconciliation is not restoration...
Restoration is the process of returning a relationship to its original condition. If we look at the relationship of Hosea and Gomer, theirs is a story of forgiveness and restoration with a hope for reconciliation. We don't know whether Gomer reconciled with Hosea, but we know that she was forgiven by him, and that he restored her to her former role as his wife even after her serial occurrences of adultery. Hosea offered to reconcile with Gomer, but he went above and beyond by restoring her as his wife. To be fair, Hosea was told by God that he must restore her, because that is what God would do for Israel. We, on the other hand, are not told that we must restore every offender to their former role or every relationship to its former condition. Sometimes total restoration could even be sinful, if doing so would make opportunities for sin and temptation more readily available. Restoring your aunt who is struggling with alcoholism to the same level of trust and full access to your home without a lock on your liquor cabinet is not loving, kind, or wise. Allowing someone with a history of abusive behavior toward minors to have unrestricted access to your children would be a sin, both against your children and the abuser. You can forgive and reconcile with each of these people as brothers and sisters in Christ without restoring the relationships and privileges that once gave them the opportunity to sin and cause harm. Restoration is risky and requires wisdom.
So, when should you forgive? Always. When should you reconcile? Christ-followers should always strive for it. When should you restore? That requires wisdom and careful judgment. Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:9 that not every relationship demands restoration, such as when marital unfaithfulness is involved. However, forgiveness is still required, and reconciliation, if possible, should be sought, even if restoration will not be the endpoint. Restoration in such a relationship might be a beautiful way in which you seek to reflect the depth of the gospel, in what Christ has done for us; as Christ redeemed us, your relationship can be redeemed. Still, Jesus teaches that divorce in such cases is permissible, and yet not required. Nevertheless, believers must treat one another as siblings in Christ, refusing wrath or vengeance.
Reconciliation may take time, for some it may take years, but as Christians we are called to chase Gomer, to offer forgiveness to all, and reconciliation to those who have been reconciled to God in Jesus Christ. As Christ-followers we are called to forgive freely, pursue reconciliation where possible, and wisely navigate the complexities of restoration. Chasing Gomer is complicated, forgiveness is costly, reconciliation is sensitive, and restoration is risky.
So, how will you chase your Gomers?
Forgiveness is fundamentally the cessation of anger or resentment toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Obviously there is so much more to forgiveness, but for our sake I think it is helpful to recognize that the primary ingredient of forgiveness is a willingness to not hold a grudge. Famously, the apostle Peter asked Jesus if seven (being the biblically symbolic number of perfection) was the right amount of times to forgive your brother if they repeatedly were sinning against you in the same way. He wanted to know if wiping away the emotional and relational debt of the relationship seven times would suffice. Jesus famously responded, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matt. 18:22). As followers of Jesus we are told not to hold grudges, not to allow our wrath to control us when we are sinned against, as the Apostle Paul says (quoting Deut. 32:35) "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord'" (Rom. 12:17-19). Forgiveness is essentially monodirectional; sometimes two people need to forgive one another but you don't need two people in order to forgive. Forgiveness entails one person refusing to hold the offense, flaw, or mistake against the other, and instead entrusting them to God who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23).
Reconciliation by necessity, requires two people. You cannot reconcile with someone who does not want to be reconciled with, whether they are the offended or the offender. When we reconcile, we make two people compatible again. Reconciliation means that not only have I forgiven my fellow-christian who has offended me, but I believe that she is my sister and I will treat her as such. The Corinthian church is told that "Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation" (1 Cor. 5:18-19). Jesus made us compatible with God by dying for and removing our sin (Isa. 53:5; Rom. 5:9-11). Christians are called to be people of forgiveness and reconciliation. As Jesus explains, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23-24). What Jesus is saying is that reconciliation with others is a top priority, even above religious rituals, it's that important! This is why we say not to take of the Lord's Supper unless you are working toward reconciliation with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Otherwise it would be a hypocritical unity, and thus a false proclamation of the gospel. Still, reconciliation is not restoration...
Restoration is the process of returning a relationship to its original condition. If we look at the relationship of Hosea and Gomer, theirs is a story of forgiveness and restoration with a hope for reconciliation. We don't know whether Gomer reconciled with Hosea, but we know that she was forgiven by him, and that he restored her to her former role as his wife even after her serial occurrences of adultery. Hosea offered to reconcile with Gomer, but he went above and beyond by restoring her as his wife. To be fair, Hosea was told by God that he must restore her, because that is what God would do for Israel. We, on the other hand, are not told that we must restore every offender to their former role or every relationship to its former condition. Sometimes total restoration could even be sinful, if doing so would make opportunities for sin and temptation more readily available. Restoring your aunt who is struggling with alcoholism to the same level of trust and full access to your home without a lock on your liquor cabinet is not loving, kind, or wise. Allowing someone with a history of abusive behavior toward minors to have unrestricted access to your children would be a sin, both against your children and the abuser. You can forgive and reconcile with each of these people as brothers and sisters in Christ without restoring the relationships and privileges that once gave them the opportunity to sin and cause harm. Restoration is risky and requires wisdom.
So, when should you forgive? Always. When should you reconcile? Christ-followers should always strive for it. When should you restore? That requires wisdom and careful judgment. Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:9 that not every relationship demands restoration, such as when marital unfaithfulness is involved. However, forgiveness is still required, and reconciliation, if possible, should be sought, even if restoration will not be the endpoint. Restoration in such a relationship might be a beautiful way in which you seek to reflect the depth of the gospel, in what Christ has done for us; as Christ redeemed us, your relationship can be redeemed. Still, Jesus teaches that divorce in such cases is permissible, and yet not required. Nevertheless, believers must treat one another as siblings in Christ, refusing wrath or vengeance.
Reconciliation may take time, for some it may take years, but as Christians we are called to chase Gomer, to offer forgiveness to all, and reconciliation to those who have been reconciled to God in Jesus Christ. As Christ-followers we are called to forgive freely, pursue reconciliation where possible, and wisely navigate the complexities of restoration. Chasing Gomer is complicated, forgiveness is costly, reconciliation is sensitive, and restoration is risky.
So, how will you chase your Gomers?
Posted in Pastor Eric Targe